i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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