How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
