hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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