I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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