Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I need a beard to bite.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
