Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm too high and old for this...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
