wat bout pragnant strippers??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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