I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
