I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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