currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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