You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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