But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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