i don't like sucking hair
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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