Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
