I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
