were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
