All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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