genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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