Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
