STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
