I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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