idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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