Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
