i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
