Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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