True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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