Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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