Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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