she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he thought i was a dude.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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