hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
