I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
