Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You smell like stripper and shame
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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