Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
