There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
