If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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