i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize