So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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