Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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