It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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