was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
