I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
