Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
