bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
