He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
