there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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