omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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