Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
