I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
