Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize