He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize