You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize