YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
