Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
