remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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