I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
