my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
