i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
