you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
