Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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