If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
