I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
