Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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