This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
