No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
